as in me, the flake. I have not been commenting on your blogs. I have not been posting here.
The situation is not much better at home. Yes, I am fulfilling my duties. I’m hosting book club meetings, doing what’s expected of me as room parent and new parent ambassador at school, showing up at yoga classes and swimming every other morning, feeding and listening to the kids, but when I have time, look out. Where’s the bed?!!! I get in bed, furious at the world because I hate sleeping on my left side, and also because sleeping really doesn’t make me feel better.
A few nights ago Rachel had a dream that I was driving her Dad’s car and fell asleep. I drove right into the garage. This dream is ripe with symbolism, but I couldn’t feel sad about it. She was right. If I had to to take the wheel of this family all on my own right now, I’d fail miserably. I’d sleep.
You see, I have something growing inside of me.
Excuse me, while I show you my uterus.
it looks like it’s wearing one of those sad masks, doesn’t it? Or like an unhappy Casper the Ghost.
She or he is due in late April. I’m about 8.5 weeks pregnant.
I really dislike pregnancy. Dislike as in “there is a voice screaming inside of me every day saying ‘I hate pregnancy.” The thing is, I think the hormones in the first trimester are all geared to make your brain reject the baby. Honestly, it has happened every single pregnancy with me. I get slightly depressed and the thought of motherhood at all makes me nauseous. I feel weary and pregnancy seems just not fair. This is how I feel for at least the first 13-14 weeks of every pregnancy.
But when the baby comes, I don’t get depressed. At least, I haven’t yet. I actually get a weird adrenelin high that lasts about six months, off and on. Go figure.
I am not used to feeling bleh. Normally, I am pretty in control of how I feel. I am used to enjoying life and feeling good. Feeling bleh drives me nuts. I’m counting down. Six more weeks of feeling bleh. Please be patient with me.
But theoretically, rationally, I am happy, very happy. This is something that I wanted, that I want–a family of five. I just kind of thought it wouldn’t happen to me. I mean supposedly a woman my age ovulates like twice a year. And since both my hubs and wanted but were also scared to have a third, we were not buying ovulation predictors or anything. We wanted a third, but we were terrified, so I suppose we weren’t trying very hard. We were just leaving it up to the fates, and not trying NOT to get pregnant. But perhaps this is too much information.
Let’s review:
I have two kids.
I am 39 years old.
I am pregnant.
And I have braces.
Pregnant with braces at 39. Let’s pretend I don’t have braces, okay? It’s just too weird.
But yes, that unhappy looking baby in my uterus is a good thing. A very good thing.
And I really am grateful.
WOOHOO!!!!! I got the e-mail & saw the post title, so I zipped right over!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I’m sorry you’re feeling yucky but am SO HAPPY FOR YOU! A little sibling for Rachel and Hannah. (Fingers crossed for a boy… but 3 girls would be awesome too!) congrats to your whole family, Raehan!
Hugs & prayers to you…
September 19th, 2007 at 1:46 pmOH WOW!! Congratulations!! And I am looking at this photo of you doing a backbend directly to my left and I’m thinking -relish that photo, girl. And rub that belly for me!
(I don’t blame you for disliking pregnancy, either. Ouch and ick, and mental blech. Keep your eye on the due date!!)
September 19th, 2007 at 3:51 pmCongrats again, my sweet brace-faced friend. Best time to do it, I say. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I grew my bangs out. What the hell…I was already fat.
xoxoxoxo
September 19th, 2007 at 4:12 pmOHMAGAH.
CONFREAKINGRATULATIONS!!
How awesome are YOU?
I’m doing a happy dance for you right now (strangely, it resembles the peepee dance, but whatever)…YIPPEEE!! I”m so excited for you. I almost wish I knew how to knit or sew or something so I could make a present. Unfortunately I’m totally handicapped in the home-ec area, so I’ll just have to buy something. *teehee*
Please keep me updated. Don’t make me come over there.
September 19th, 2007 at 4:51 pmOh.
Wait.
I would WANT to come over there and take care of you!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox Love and kisses.
And PS I hope you’re planning to share the pictures of your big fat belly. I meant when your slim, flat little belly gets all big and fat.
September 19th, 2007 at 4:52 pmxoxoxox
O. M. G. Congratulations Rae! I got shivers as soon as I saw the post title… congratulation, congratulations, congratulations!!!! Maybe all our joy can help buoy your spirits? Oh hugs and hugs to you and your girls (oh, um, yeh, to your hubby too!) Can I come be your doula?
September 19th, 2007 at 4:53 pmSo, I should say “congrats” in April??
(cough*congrats*cough) I’m sorry you’re feeling under. BE KIND TO YOU. M’kay? That’s an order, in case you couldn’t tell from the all caps.
And as for commenting on my site… NO WORRIES. I’m sure I don’t just speak for myself on this matter.
September 19th, 2007 at 5:02 pmCongratulations! I was one of those pregnant at 39 women, too. I know about some of what you are going through! I found it easiest to sleep through the first three months myself. Will you show us the belly pics as the months pass?
September 19th, 2007 at 5:19 pmI am happy, thrilled, and excited. Now it’s time for me to rat Bonnie out for sending me an email a few weeks ago that said “Raehan has a secret that I can’t tell you because mum’s the word.” She is irrepressible, our Bonnie.
September 19th, 2007 at 5:51 pmHey sweetie, Jeremy is thrilled that he’ll have another younger cousin to look up to him! Rest all you can, the first trimester sucks. I remember that D. was totally alarmed that the woman he knew and loved had been kidnapped and replaced by this cranky, obsessed stranger with no sense of humor. I think he was worried that this is what motherhood meant. He was pretty relieved when I got my “joie de vivre” back at oh, about 13 weeks.
September 19th, 2007 at 5:54 pmThat is wonderful news! (except the part about hating pregnancy) It can be 9 months that feels like a couple of years, like my second pregnancy. Those first months are pretty blah, then comes the blooming period. You just have to wait out the crazy hormones.
September 19th, 2007 at 6:26 pmMiz S- Ha! It looks like Bonnie can keep a secret as well as I can. I wasn’t supposed to tell either.
September 19th, 2007 at 6:35 pmAh, I can so relate to the first trimester yucks. I was not a fan of being pregnant either, it wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t fun either - I just wanted to HAVE them already!
Congratulations!!! I am so excited for you, and shall live vicariously through you as I too am 39 and would LOVE to have a 3rd baby, but unfortunately hubs adamantly didn’t want more. Hang in there for a few more weeks, and if you’re sick, there are so many remedies out there. One I never tried was sea bands, which I hear actually do work.
xo
September 19th, 2007 at 7:46 pmOH my GOODNESS! what outstanding news! Congratulations1 I’m expecting tons of pictures and preggers updates on here now! Okay, I’ll give you a few more weeks, but then I’m expecting some STUFF…so I can live vicariously through you!
September 19th, 2007 at 7:57 pmEEEEEEEEK! WOW! Congratulations! I am over the moon thrilled for you, and completely understand the hating pregnancy bit. I’ll let you go through the pregnancy so now I won’t have to, okay? Somebody in my blog world needed to be pregnant, and it sure as heck wasn’t going to be me!
Love and huge hugs to you!
September 19th, 2007 at 10:15 pmCongratulations! Do the girls know yet? They’re going to be so excited!!!
September 20th, 2007 at 5:32 amHOLEEEEY SMOKES! I’m so super-duper-scrum-diddly-upmtious happy for you! *Does an internal happy dance at the conference room table.* I saw the alert the other day in my inbox, read the subject, thought nothing of it except to come back later to read. Then I saw your twitter and I blinked twice then hurried over. Woo hoo! Yay you! *BIG HUGS!!!!!*
September 20th, 2007 at 8:48 amCongratulations!!! what a spring to look forward to
September 20th, 2007 at 9:32 amCongratulations Lady! I am so glad I took a few minutes to look at my bloglines subscriptions–what a wonderful surprise.
As far as hating pregnancy, I am totally with you on that one. I never enjoyed it. I envy those women that do.
September 20th, 2007 at 12:46 pmCongratulations!!!! So exciting.
Pssst. I hate pregnancy, too. I feel like an alien for 9 months. It is an effort to appear even remotely human during those months.
September 20th, 2007 at 3:07 pmCongratulations!!!!! That is so exciting, or least it will be when you are over the blah stage. I hope you post pics of the two of you as time goes on. When are you going to tell the girls or do they know already? This will make for some very interesting conversations.
September 20th, 2007 at 6:33 pmOh, honey. Bless your soul. I’m calling it a boy. Boys are great. And the girls would love a baby brother, right?
September 20th, 2007 at 11:15 pmThis is good. Very, very good!
Mum IS the word, oui? You are one beautiful, patient yogini mama!!
Advice from Grandma Bonnie:
Rest, nest, pregnancy yoga.
Rinse (swim) and repeat.
The school should show respect to expectant mothers by giving them a reprieve. After all, you’re sending them another dear scholar one day soon.
We often reread the last chapter of All-of-a-Kind Family aloud here because we love it so much. Lechaim, Sweet Raehan! xo
September 21st, 2007 at 7:37 amOoo, congratulations!!! I hope the next month or so flies past so that you can feel better soon. Treat yourself to lots of your favorite things! I’m one of a family of five–three girls–and it’s been lovely.
September 21st, 2007 at 9:09 amCONGRATULATIONS! Yay!
September 22nd, 2007 at 3:43 amCongratulations Raehan!! The months will just sail by. It’s wonderful news.
September 22nd, 2007 at 8:30 amRaehan- Bonnie told me, too! However, intuitive woman that I am I had l aready figured it out reading “tired” and “gak” between the lines here. And Bonnieonly told because she was so incredibly excited and happy for you. As am I. So, again, congrats. This loggy time will pass and all will be right. That’s a pretty pretty baby!
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:53 amCONGRATULATIONS!!!
I haven’t been reading either, since Mr .kenju had a stroke, but this is great news! Did you tell the girls yet? Do you hope for a boy?
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:10 pmWow! congratulations! I know you have been going back and forth the last few months over whether to have #3.
I didn’t like being pregnant, either. Same reaction as you. But it wore off after a few weeks. Hope you’re feeling better soon!
(*)>
September 24th, 2007 at 6:04 amYay! Congratulations, dear Raehan. I’m thrilled for you and your family.
xo
September 24th, 2007 at 11:39 amFabulous fabulous news!!! YAY!!! Well done…
September 25th, 2007 at 7:35 pmI have never even ever met you in person but I still got a tear in my eye about your news. Wow. Congratulations!
September 27th, 2007 at 12:45 pmCongratulations! To the whole family! It may feel weird, but it’s going to be great.
September 28th, 2007 at 7:56 pm