Talia.
That would have been our name is he had been a she. Hannah suggested that name one day over dinner when we were throwing out names and rejecting most of them. When Hannah suggested Talia, we all were silent and thoughtful before going, “yeah.”
As you may remember, we did not know the sex of our baby until he was born. When they announced that he was a boy right after delivery my internal reaction was an “oh”. Not a bad “oh” or a good “oh,” just an “okay this something new” oh.
I come from a siblings of all girls. My first generation of nieces/nephews were all nieces. I know girls. I can do girls.
I am only a little ashamed to admit during my first and second pregnancies I wanted girls. First time, because I know girls. Second time, because I wanted a set of sisters.
Now I know all you mothers raising boys are getting all pissed at me. The thing is I was scared to have a boy. So this third time, even though it felt right to have a boy—I sort of wanted a boy–I was still kind of scared of the unknown. So another part of me wanted Talia, the girl. I had a vivid dream of this beautiful dark-hair, steely eyed baby and me saying, “Talia” with such heart and wonder. So part of me wanted Talia. But when I imagined having three girls, something seemed a little off with that picture.
And then we had our boy. And of course I love it. I love him. I love that so much of me raising him will be an education for me. It’s like my own little experiment and discovery unfolding.
And the funny thing is, when I got him home and looked at him some more, he actually looked exactly like the Talia in my dream. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. Who knows.
As far as bonding goes, I have very strong bonds with my daughters. I’m sure that there is something very special about the mother-son bond, but I am so tired of hearing that it is more special than a mother’s relationship with girls. There is also something very, very special about the mother-daughter bond. Don’t let them fool you.
But this boy of ours is a delight. I love him like crazy. He seems mellower than my girls were at this age, but who knows. My memory is really bad right now.
Really, though, at the beginning a baby is a baby. I spent the first week not really registering that my baby was any sex in particular, except for the fact that the only clothes I had for him was this supposedly neutral purple sleeper with puffy shoulders that completely made me think of him as a girl.
Changing diapers provides a nice change in scenery. I'’ll admit that.
But here’s a question for you.
I’m very fond of his package, in the same way I am fond of his little toes and fingers, and in the same way I was fond of his sisters little packages.
Doesn’t it get smushed in there all the time? It hardly ever sees the light of day. We are so afraid of being peed on that the diaper changing session is quick despite the fact that he seems to enjoy hanging loose quite a bit.
It just seems unfair. That’s all I’m saying.
Maybe a lot of the worlds ills can be blamed on the fact that there’s so much smushing going on early in life. And here I am perpetuating it because I’m afraid of a little pee.
Talk amongst yourselves. I have to take a bit of time away from here.
I posted part one of my labor story right below this one for those interested.
I will catch up on all your posts/happenings and say hello at your sites by the middle of next week.
i have two girls and one boy, the difference is my son is in the middle, he’s the creamy filling of an oreo cookie, that’s what we always say. as my kids are older than yours, 23, 17 and 13, let me reassure you, boys are incredible, i have an extremely close bond with my son, much closer than the bond with my oldest daughter and the crap i have gone through with my oldest daughter (and my youngest daughter is now starting to put me through), never happened with my son, because he’s a boy. boys are easy to figure out, all they want is food. they don’t care about their hair, their clothes, their friends, there are no tears because someone looked at them the wrong way, make them a bagel with cream cheese and their world becomes a happy place.
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:35 ami can’t offer you an insight on their package, maybe ask your husband.
Love the name Talia.
With 2 girls of my own, I totally get this post. However, I would have found out the sex because I am impatient like that. I need time to prepare.
Now that Mere is around, I am getting a schooling in boys from her little two. And that’s a good thing.
Today’s her birthday btw…hehe, she’s 35 like me now
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:06 amTalia would have been lovely. The full name Natalia and Natasha are favourites.
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:39 amWill there be another pregnancy to get a “Talia”? I love that name.
I had a boy first and then 2 girls (which I wanted badly). I am really glad that I got at least one of each sex. Boys are the same (except for that package) and yet different. They try your patience (when they’re older) and then do something incredibly sweet to keep you from being too mad. You are in for a treat!
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:07 amWe wanted another boy when we had KayTar. Girls just seemed like so much work, BubTar had been so easy. But we had KayTar, and although she is so much work (boy is she!), I’m so glad she wasn’t a boy, because now we are on reproductive hold and I’m so glad to have a son and a daughter.
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:08 amI like the name Talia. I only had brothers, so I was terrified of having girls–but I adjusted well. As you say, the mother-daughter bond is also very strong. As for the boy package, I would let him run around naked outside when he gets ambulatory. Ah, the freedom! (both my girls used to do so and I even have embarrassing photos to prove it!)
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:32 amOnce you leave the baby stage and get into the little boy stage I think you will change your mind about the mother-child bond. While both mother-daughter and mother-son bonding is the same in the baby days it begins to shift and change in the tolddler and beyond days. For instance - Getting a 2 yr old boy through the episodes of erections that won’t go away and leave them whining and irrated and out of sorts puts a spin on your bonding relationship that you just don’t experience with girls. Just you wait and see
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 amTalia is a beautiful name, but there is something special about having a boy. And two girls and a boy….what can I say, it is magical.
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 pmAs the mom of 3 girls, when my first grandchild turned out to be a boy, I was a bit surprised I thnk. I worried if I would know what to do with him. Not so mauch as a baby because as you say, babies are babies. I am happy to report that I am having a ball. I find boys to be both mellower and louder. Less pouty and full of incredible energy.
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:10 pmI had a sister, not a brother, and when my first son was born, my mom said, “Well, what do we do with a boy?” I was a little disappointed because I had my heart set on a girl, but loved him anyway. Second child was also a boy, again a little disappointment. Love him anyway. Love them both to pieces even though we went through terrible twos and rotten teens. Now, I have my heart set on being the world’s best mother-in-law. But, what I really wanted to say was this. Doesn’t matter boy or girl. Yes, boys and girls are different, but all children are very different and this little one will be a surprise, not because he is a boy, but because he will reveal his own personality. Just when you think you are the world’s best mom, someone will have a meltdown and show you that you are not. Hold him fast. He will grow up too soon and go off to college and graduate and get a job halfway around the world. He’s a gift, just like your girls. (And like a gift, unwrap them daily-let em hang occasionally LOL)
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:12 pmI was also nervous about having a boy for (coincidentally) the same reasons you were. I know girls, was a sister to two girls and an aunt to five girls before becoming a mom. I wanted to find out the sex early in my pregnancy precisely because I felt I needed some time to get used to the idea, in case it ended up being a boy. I have to say, though, that I LOVE being a mom to a boy, I love the difference involved, even though I have to admit that I do have a relatively calm, thoughtful boy so we haven’t really had rampant testosterone around here, except in short spurts. Also I have to admit that I stalled in cutting his hair for a good long time so I could enjoy the long golden curls and had more than a few times early on when I imagined or even referred to him as “she”.
We were also rapid-fire diaper changers, but now he runs around loose a bit more, especially after peeing on the potty when we can be relatively sure that our laps, rugs, and furniture our safe.
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:28 pmI have a girl (14) and two boys, (11) and (7). I grew up in a family where I was the oldest girl with 2 younger brothers. Sometimes I wonder just what decade I’m living in, because the sibling rivalry feels the same. I now understand why our bickering drove my mom crazy sometimes. When she got irked with us, we didn’t understand why she was mad. It just felt natural to be selfish jerks. And my brothers both considered me to be a selfish jerk, and vice versa. Talk about your low expectations! Now that I’m older and somewhat
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:43 pmwiser, my mom’s words come out of my mouth even though I swore I’d never say them to my kids when I was 15 and 18 and 22… I love having both boys and a girl–they are different right from birth and challenging in different ways at different times.
I had a girl first, then a son, then another girl… and we’ve had a nice mix of both as foster kids have come and gone. I can’t honestly say that it’s better or worse or deeper or easier or whatever - the relationship between son and mom or daughter and mom… I just know this: every single child is different, and the bond you have with each child is different. My girls are easier in some ways, and my son is easier in others. I’ve come to realize that I DO expect different things from them, gender bias and all that… but it works. It works, it works well, and I love all of them and have different relationships with all of them. And there is 6 years between daughter #1 and my son - and they are best friends. Enjoy every second momma!
August 24th, 2008 at 4:53 amYeah, I was a little timid of having a boy and quite honestly, I’m still a little nervous and unsure of it but nonetheless, I am completely smitten with him.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:29 pmAfter being hit once, us male Dads get leery of the pee, too. So you are not alone.
August 26th, 2008 at 5:29 pm