Just when I was beginning to get smug about this two-kids thing, I find myself feeling clueless. You know, I would talk to my friends with newborns and tell them how much easier it gets when you start getting real sleep under your belt. The truth is, if you take the severe sleep deprivation out of the picture, our first year with two was so much better than we anticipated. Rachel, who at 18 months screamed whenever I held another baby, took to Hannah beautifully. I’m not saying she didn’t act out in other ways. She started waking up at night in tears and even went through a brief hitting stage. However, every time I arranged to have time alone with Rachel, she would ask “Where’s Hannah” and go looking for her. She was a helpful and proud big sister. When Hannah started crawling and was able to grab Rachel’s toys away I set up a separate play-room for Rachel so she could play uninterupted. Things were going smoothly. I was always pretty smug when hearing stories of sibling rivalry.

Now, however, as Rachel reminds me, Hannah can open doors, and she can even climb into chairs and interrupt games. So I’m at a loss. I pulled out my toddler books yesterday-but I’m not sure they’ll have the answers I’m looking for. Rachel’s at this great age where she’s ready to start playing games and doing “work.” And Hannah….well, she’s pulling me right back into the world of messy floors, tantrums, and general chaos. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy toddlers immensely….but I’m torn between the mode of pre-schooler and the demands of a one year old and I’m searching here folks. Your love for your children is not divided, but your atttention is.

There is some hope. When Rachel’s not getting frustrated at Hannah for snatching the doll out of the dollie crib that she had just carefully put to sleep, Rachel is including Hannah in her games of pretend. In these scenarios, Hannah is almost always “husband.” Good old reliable husband. It’s a brilliant move on Rachel’s part. Hannah can grab babies at will, while contributing to the plot-line. Husband is pushing the stroller. Husband is picking up the baby because it’s crying.

I first became aware of this game involving “husband” about a month and a half ago. We had just gotten back from a big plane trip. Rachel had loads of things piled up on the stroller and was pretending to push it through the airport. It was a pitiful but accurate re-enactment of what we had looked like going through the airport. Hannah was napping as Rachel pushed the toy stroller around. Suddenly, Rachel said, “Husband, I need a husband. Will you be my husband? I need someone to carry the bags.” I was slightly resentful because I had carried quite a lot through the airport during our trip, but I obliged and filled in for Hannah…oh, sorry, I mean, “husband.”

Back to the pre-schooler-toddler dillemma. I have found something that brings the three of us together happily–play-doh. Hannah loves it. This morning I sat her down at her little table to look at a book and she ran to the garage door wanting something. When I realized she wanted to bring the play-doh to the table, i asked, “Do you want play-doh?” She started grabbing for the door with excitement and frustation, “da-doh!” I got it out and I played with her. Then Rachel joined us. I have to admit, I even get a little thrill when I’m rolling the playdoh in my hands. It’s satisfying stuff. Now If I can just keep the girls from eating it, we’re really getting somewhere.