The truth is I feel anything but inspiring this week. I am worn down, PMSing, nursing a husband with stomach flu, trying to keep my kids happy while yet another spell of cold rain has descended. Physically, I’m exhausted. Mentally, I’m just about at my limit.

And so today was a pretty rotten day. I endured tantrums, whining, flared tempers. I lectured Rachel about the importance of appreciating the things she has, rather than what she doesn’t have. I carried a heavy, weeping Hannah in my sore arms (my right arm still hurts) more times than I can count.

When I pried a clinging Hannah from me and placed her in her crib, the wailing behind me as I left the door grated against the silent sob that had been building up in me all day. I did my duties in Rachel’s room and then did something unusual for me. I got in the car while my girls and husband were sleeping, not even sure where I was going. I needed space.

I found some space, and as I was driving home I thought about that conversation I had with Rachel when she was whining about wanting a toy Hannah was playing with.

“You need to learn to be happy with what you have in front of you. You need to learn to do that, or else you will grow up to be unhappy.”

“Help me, Mama.” she said.

“Look at what you are playing with. Tell me everything you have before you. Name all of the toys you have in that stroller in front of you.”

And so she named the toys. And then with out any prodding she named her sister, and her father, and mother, and her dog….

As I was driving home in the car, I was too tired to name all the things I should be feeling thankful for. I went home. I endured more whining, more clinging. I fed my children. I put them to bed. That silent sob was still lingering in me.

Today it was hard to be a mother.

Tomorrow I will look at my daughter and tell her all I see before me.