In case you missed my earlier post, let me update you and tell you that I’ve decided to quit blogging for a long while. I tried to explain why in this earlier post. My plan was to spend one last week writing here before closing down shop, but drawing it out that long is a little dramatic, I think. I don’t want to look like a big drama queen, even if I am one. I think I need to just go.

I wanted this last post to sum things up. I’m not quite sure how to do that. This blog is only a year and a half old, but I feel it has taken me so far personally. I have been so touched by all of you. Thank you. My life is forever changed because of you, your inspiring spirits, your friendship and your acceptance of me. I am proud of us! I am proud of this blog.

Rachel seems to have grown miles, too, since I started here. She is now such a person. I don’t know what else to say about her. I’ve said so much already. I am in awe of the person she is and wish I could have done a better job bringing her to life here. What I never told you was how much of an arts and crafts enthusiast she’s become. This girl who ate the tips off of her markers the first three years of her life and used to hide under the table eating play-doh is really starting to impress me with her creations. And still, she looks at me, the art flunkie, coloring in a coloring book and exclaims, “Mom, how did you get so good at that?!”

Hannah is so proud of being a big girl. Her toddler tummy is starting to disappear along with her diapers. I delight in staring at the dimples in her broad beautiful cheecks when she’s talking to me. She is so much cuter than I can describe. The other night she requested “Seventy-BIX Trombones” for her “lullaby” and then started cackling like crazy because I didn’t get the words right. She is just full of life and kindness and laughter and seriousness. I imagine we will have to grant her her wish this Fall and let go of her Dorothy Hamill hair-cuts so she can “get long hair” for her birthday.

Mr. Raehan–and let me tell you how I’ve struggled with what to call him. I so wish I could have called him by his real name instead of all these silly names—was very shaken up to hear that I’m quitting my blog. I gave him no warning. He told me my blog had helped him grow. The reason why I love this man so much is because he is continually growing. Now that we’re expecting our piano (Ha. You thought I was going to say baby, didn’t you? Why does that give me pleasure?), he’s thinking about taking piano lessons with Rachel and me this fall.

And me, well, I plan to keep writing about my family, though in a more private way. I’m not closing down shop here so I can become “a writer.” I’m leaving so I can listen to myself a little better. It’s not just on my blog that I have boundaries. I have boundaries within myself that I want to push past. I think I’ll start my process by doing a lot of experimental writing about me. Oh, the ego! But seriously, I think I want the space to take some risks and get messy. Some of you can do that out in public. I’m just not built that way. There is something powerful pushing up against my insides. I hope she’s pretty. If not, who cares, I just need to let her rip.

I’m worried I’ll try it for like an hour and be wanting to rush back here immediately. I’m hoping my pride will keep me from doing that. Maybe I’ll just stare at my navel and eat bon-bons instead while you have all the fun. A depressing scenario, but frightenly possible. If things are looking bad, I’ll kick myself in the butt and finish up my gardening.

The “me” I’ve shown here on this blog, represents my heart more fully than any other me I’ve shown to anyone but family. Thank you for listening to my heart. It meant more than you know.

I will be sharing some of the writing I’m doing with friends via e-mail. If you are interested in getting on that list and haven’t told me already, please don’t be shy about telling me. I’ll be too shy to put you on the list if you don’t tell me to. I also plan to keep visiting you and commenting when I can. Please don’t think you’ve lost me there.

I am closing the museum now. The key is under the mat, though. Please continue to browse old exhibits. I won’t be destroying the building. It means too much to me.

Thank you for your warm patronage.

Hugs and love from the curator. (I guess we’re just that kind of community where even the curator gets all touchy feely.)